You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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