whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
