just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I love having hate sex.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
