her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
