please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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