I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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