Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
