i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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