VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
