I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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