that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
