We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I cut my penus on the lid.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Are we still banned from the library?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
