I'm lost and stupid without you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
