1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize