He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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