my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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