Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I believe in your delicious
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
