What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
