Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
