You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
