but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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