The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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