Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
