I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
