its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
