Your dad touched me again.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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