Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
