I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
