so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
