I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The struggles of a small town man whore
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
