I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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