I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
