Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
