So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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