I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
