Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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