Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He shit in the fireplace
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