I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
