do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
