Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this boner is exhausting
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
