Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
