I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize