I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
