We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
foreskin is a definite game changer
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Randomize
