I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
