with your own penis?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
sex in a hospital.. check
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
