My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
