You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
