I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
