I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
