sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think your dad took our porno
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
