it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
