I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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