im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
