drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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